( #002 ) FAKE MARRIED AU

[chatona]

the 'fake married' meme

be it for a job, in order to get your inheritance or to fool your nosy neighbours, you are pretending to be married. now the question is, do you want it to be real or can you hardly wait for it to be over?

Comments

#crack

[afieldsmedal]

[ they're in some magical foreign exchange school or something, whatever it doesn't really matter the main point being that this school has a high budget. it's probably private; he comes from money, and one of the few things her parents didn't fight about in the divorce was her school fund, so no ones going bankrupt this semester. they're just going places — nice places, places they probably would have gotten to in time, but in their late teens instead of their late forties. and there are some major pluses to traveling while young. namely liver functionality, which meant they could drink three times as much as they really should and their hangovers wouldn't be world ending.

teenaged resilience doesn't mean they don't get hung over at all, however.

they're sitting in a little british coffee between airplane layovers (it's part of the muggle studies portion, and the worst part because being hungover on an airplane? a tiny, pressurized cabin that only serve baby sized water bottles and peanuts? one of the worst places to sober up, and lydia spends a good twenty minutes rhapsodizing about passing out in a gutter instead — at least she could be horizontal). lydia's at least feeling a little better about herself because she didn't try to pay for her coffee in gold and silver, and the caffeine is doing wonders for her headache. such wonders, that when a little old lady tells them they're a cute couple, she smiles and says: ] Thanks, he just proposed!

[ no one seems to notice the ring — or lack there of — on her finger. but the little old lady gushes and offers to buy them pastries, so when james opens his mouth (presumably to set her straight in her assumptions) she kicks him.

it's a gentle kick, but a kick all the same, and hisses at him. ]

Don't ruin this, we're getting scones.

this is beautiful

[pronged]

[James chokes on his coffee, too busy coughing and nearly dying to even defend himself to that old Muggle, to say that no. No no no no he's not engaged to this harpy. She's a ginger and she's evil and annoying and a liar apparently, though part of him marvels at how easily she did that.]

I'm British. And a bloody wizard. I can get scones whenever I want.

[But is he protesting any further than to hiss that at her under his breath? No. He clears his throat, fairly certain that he has coffee in his lungs at this point.]

But whatever you want. Darling. Do I at least get a snog for this?

i try

[afieldsmedal]

Not before our wedding night, sweetheart. Remember, we've chosen to wait.

[ and kissing anyone sounds nauseating which, on an already unstable stomach would end... badly.

the second the little old lady is out of earshot, though, she puts her elbows on the table and leans her head into her hands with a heavy sigh. ]

Sorry. It seemed a lot funnier in my head. Before I thought she was going to take it seriously.

[pronged]

This kind of behavior is what drives me into Sirius's arms, I hope you know that.

[Give him a minute or two and he'll always pick up on the joke. And then just carry it on forever.]

But he never gets me scones so maybe I really will be faithful from now on.

[afieldsmedal]

How nice of you to make an effort. Maybe now we won't have to get a divorce, and little Henry and Harriet can live normal, unbroken lives.

[ with their alcoholic parents. ]

i cannot write long tags anymore sorry

[pronged]

Great, they'll just grow up to murder us in our sleep with names like that. Brilliant.

me neither this is why I love you

[afieldsmedal]

[ defensively: ]

What's wrong with Henry?

[pronged]

Henry Potter? Merlin no. No child of mine will carry that name.

[afieldsmedal]

[ ok but important: ]

Who says we're taking your last name?

[pronged]

Woman, you are bloody insane if you think the children and I are taking yours.

[afieldsmedal]

[ somewhere deep down she's incredibly amused that he's so upset about this fictitious marriage and these hypothetical babies. but on the surface (she looks calm and ready, to drop bombs but she keeps on forgetting what she wrote down — ) lydia's ready to fight him on this. ]

Why do you have to be so old fashioned?

[pronged]

[It's not his fault she's got idiotic ideas. James Martin might as well be the most Muggle name to ever Muggle. James doesn't buy much into that pureblooded, wizard superiority nonsense but he does really enjoy being a wizard.]

Think of McGonagall, would you. She lives to yell at Potters. And Blacks but we all know that Sirius isn't ever going to father a child. I think his nads don't work right, shooting blanks you know, but you didn't hear that from me. What would she yell instead? Martin? Doesn't have the same ring. The kids will be so ashamed.

[afieldsmedal]

Or maybe, you know, our kids aren't going to be horrible little trouble makers like you and your best friend.

[pronged]

Not bloody likely if they want to inherit any of my wealth and be acknowledged as my offspring in public.