Well, I did. She was - [And his hand clenches right around his wrist, aware of what a terrible choice of word this is now but unable to think of another.] - alive, somewhere everyone else out there died a long time ago. And that place was dying in me too.
[He swallows, eyes once again unable to stay fixed on any one point for too long.]
(A question that comes not to dismiss what John's saying, but to follow up on it. John should know fully well what Petre is. Sociopath. Unable to process emotions like any other person can. He's never claimed he wanted to anyway, but he is a creature made of curiosity, and that has more often led to the destruction of others rather than his own.)
[It's not all insult. Petre is at least complex, and that's something John can appreciate in someone. Simplicity is often tied to ignorance, which is exactly what he mistook Siobhan's bliss for in the early stages.]
Anyway. Turned out she was the most alive 'cause she was the one actually dying. Not sick, but dying. So there's a tip if you wanna see if you've got it and need a jumpstart.
She could. [He shrugs, and that, along with the words that follow, are more deliberately casual. Nearly forced.] And then we would've had a stupid, messy, overdramatic breakup and we'd be glaring at each other across classrooms to this day. Happily ever after.
(Don't the vast majority of them end up that way? It's why Petre thinks it's just better to never get into that kind of mess. It's why Petre will never have one of those marks on his arm.)
Why? [Of course there's mild suspicion there.] It doesn't mean anything. It just happened. It's over.
[And it won't happen again, because he's of the same mind. Teenage school romances are stupid, and the stupidity is magnified in a fishbowl like a boarding school.
Anyway, he's pretty sure that place inside him did die when his black mark scarred over. Not because she was so special, but because it reminded him of how life really is.]
Friends usually talk about the past 'cause they want to, not 'cause the other person could force it out of them if they decided they wanted to know that badly.
[As sharp and pointed as the words are, he shrugs to soften them a bit. He wants Petre to know where the line is drawn, but not how much it truly annoys him that it can be (and is so often) crossed with such ease.]
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[Whatever. His mother could've hated his guts for all he cares.]
Someone chose for mine.
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He turns to look at Petre, still rubbing that spot on his wrist.]
It didn't work on me anyway. I mean, I felt it, but I didn't let it get to me. That's why she was always after me.
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He arches his brows briefly.]
Why not?
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[Despite the harshness of the words, his voice is taking on a nostalgic tone.]
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You do have the mark to prove it.
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[He swallows, eyes once again unable to stay fixed on any one point for too long.]
Didn't even know it was there before her.
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(A question that comes not to dismiss what John's saying, but to follow up on it. John should know fully well what Petre is. Sociopath. Unable to process emotions like any other person can. He's never claimed he wanted to anyway, but he is a creature made of curiosity, and that has more often led to the destruction of others rather than his own.)
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[It's not all insult. Petre is at least complex, and that's something John can appreciate in someone. Simplicity is often tied to ignorance, which is exactly what he mistook Siobhan's bliss for in the early stages.]
Anyway. Turned out she was the most alive 'cause she was the one actually dying. Not sick, but dying. So there's a tip if you wanna see if you've got it and need a jumpstart.
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(Isn't that a beautifully tragic story.)
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[That's totally genuine. He doesn't hold her up as "the one" in any way, shape, or form - just "the only one" thus far.]
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(Lacing his fingers on his stomach. Guess John knew better after all.)
She could be here with you, right now. In this school.
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(Don't the vast majority of them end up that way? It's why Petre thinks it's just better to never get into that kind of mess. It's why Petre will never have one of those marks on his arm.)
I'll remember that story.
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[And it won't happen again, because he's of the same mind. Teenage school romances are stupid, and the stupidity is magnified in a fishbowl like a boarding school.
Anyway, he's pretty sure that place inside him did die when his black mark scarred over. Not because she was so special, but because it reminded him of how life really is.]
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[Whatever that means. Maybe he's just throwing the word 'trash' out there to see how John reacts.]
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Any reason you could have for treasuring my old as shit memories is creepy. Any one. Just saying.
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[He will always ask why.]
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[He's not saying no to that.]
I thought it's what friends did.
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[As sharp and pointed as the words are, he shrugs to soften them a bit. He wants Petre to know where the line is drawn, but not how much it truly annoys him that it can be (and is so often) crossed with such ease.]
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[... Is that true or total bullshit? You decide.]
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Here's a tip, then. If you're gonna remember it, don't use it as dirt against me. Like I know you're dying to. Make a real effort and we'll see.
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[Which, in Petre's opinion, he has plenty of.]
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