[Maybe they are, but Kitty's still Kitty and she's deathly afraid of having her heart broken and being embarrassed. Which is a given, seeing as how she keeps falling for the wrong guy. Over and over again.
Her focus softens a little when he shows her his, though. She wasn't expecting that, so she glances over and watches the scarring one. That's an awful reminder to have.]
He sees everything. [A statement that could be suggestive and awkward for Kitty at any other time, but puts naked in a whole new light with context behind it - not nude so much as laid bare.] Not like he doesn't know. We're both - I want the scar there.
[A tiny twist of pain in his voice, but he shakes it off, fingering the pink spot again. Like he hasn't made up his mind, or more likely, hasn't figured it out. Both Bobby's and Harry's exploded to life without warning, Harry's much later than the feelings but only because they were buried to the point that he truly didn't realize them. This awareness must be at least slightly clearer.]
Is it your parents? [He's never heard of parental marks, but -] I don't get this one. All I can figure is that it's Tony, but I'm not in love with him, so -
[But then hers wouldn't be red if they were her parents either, would they?]
[There's a quiet nod; if that could ever be suggestive then Kitty doesn't even think about it. It's times like these that she gets a cold slap of reality to her face. They're both so deep together in what they have - to even dream about being a part of it is ludicrous, so instead she just lets envy burn in her heart. She's always wanted something like that, as tragic as they are. What a petty little girl.
She's surprised to hear him talk about his third mark, though. He's so secretive about his feelings - with the exception of Harry - that she just assumed it'd be someone from his past that was once again none of her business. But like he said: getting to know each other.
(She'll never admit that it's making her heart flutter a little.)]
No. That's - that's not how it works. Believe me.
[A contradictory little huff, smile sad. She's had plenty of time to think about it, to figure it out.]
[Insensitive, not terribly full of empathy, but not stupid. He's seen her interact with Harry a few times, some of them rather intimate, and the way her expression keeps shifting helps to fill the gap on one of them.]
You're in love with Harry.
[Surprisingly, his answer is a smile. Harry isn't unlike Bobby in some ways, as much as he insisted they were nothing alike - he's got that same ability to make anyone who comes near him feel special. Like everything he offers is just for them. John was just lucky enough to be right this one time.]
It's cool. I think everyone who meets him is, on some level.
[Her gaze darts right back to John when he speaks up, guilt and embarrassment flooding her immediately. She wants to shrink down to invisibility. Fall right through the floor to hide.]
I don't - [Features shift again, uncomfortably, unpleasantly. Her brows are knitting and frowning.] It's not like that. It's not like I -
[- could ever think he'd love her back.
There's a sound, something like a groan, but just sadder than that. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Her face goes right into her hands, elbows on her knees. Augh, how will she ever tell him?]
You have shitty luck with who you fall for, that's what it's like.
[Real talk, but said with surprising gentleness. He was there, even if he's found better now. He knows it's no laughing matter.]
Well, no, obviously. [Who would embarrass her so much.] What, Tony? That's cool, too. Rich, powerful older man, people tell me he's cool and good-looking, it'd make sense.
[Sure, just twist the knife in her wound, why don't you.]
Oh my God, John - [she wants to smack him all over again. How does he always manage to draw that out of her? Tony, of all people? He's more like everyone's cool dad, not cool older boyfriend.
Never mind that. She smacks a fist on his shoulder and retracts the hand to cover herself.]
It's you, okay?
[This is it. Ready for shots to be fired so she can just be humiliated like she's never been before.]
I swear, if you say anything -
[Anything like 'sorry, I don't feel the same way' or whatever. She knows. She knows.]
[Okay, that was really wrong, enough to get another punch. His mouth is open, obviously ready to spew indignant nonsense, when she finally blurts it out and his jaw just drops kind of slack.
An old warning for him. If you say anything - because his nasty tongue is always ready to make someone feel as stupid as possible where there's weakness. But he's just stunned, wondering how he missed it again, and...
... and the mark on his own wrist just turned grey. The shift is slow enough that it catches his peripheral vision, and he turns his arm over more fully, just gaping in total disbelief.
That's why he couldn't figure out what he felt when they were all piled together and Harry and Kitty kept turning their attention to one another. Because he was jealous of both of them. Jesus fucking christ, this is getting beyond complicated.]
[Never mind. Him not saying anything is actually worse. So she just moves to get to her feet because she's decided she wants to actually go hide and curl up in her bed.
(She doesn't see it turning gray in her arm; it's still covered.)]
Let's just never talk about this again, okay?
[Not one of her mild requests - she's actually demanding it.]
Kitty. [He's sort of flapping an arm at her, then snapping more insistently.] Kitty. Check your arm.
[He touches the spot again. It's slowly darkening. Maybe he can't call this love yet, that's rather a gargantuan step for him compared to others, but the reciprocation is strong. Whatever name he wants to give the feeling.]
[First she looks at him like he's hurting her, and then she actually listens. Check her arm, why?
Her sleeve falls down when she lifts her arm. One of the marks are gray, and it's such a novel sight that she thinks something's wrong rather than thinking about what it really means.
The look she gives John this time is way beyond disbelief; it's pure denial.]
[If she was about ready to just go hide a second ago, now she very much wants to stay, even if just to figure out how the hell John's head works right now.]
Kitty, have you even heard me and Harry talk to one another? All we do is give each other shit. Constantly. And some sap, yeah, but that took a long time.
[He's visibly embarrassed. There's a new one for Kitty, but he's realizing all of this even as he says it, so it's causing enough of a flush in his face that it's actually visible.]
[Useless gestures and no words. They're always doing it lovingly. It's almost disgusting to watch with how sappy they get.
She just palms her face, slides both hands down. Let her look at her wrist again.]
There's just - there's no way you like me. You've got Harry.
[Oh god -]
You can't tell him. Do you hear me? He's going to hate me so much -
[No, he'll laugh, but then he'll hate her. Because he's dying and because she's going to be around after he's gone and she's so sure he's going to think she'll take advantage of that to take John.]
I wasn't planning on it! Do you know how jealous he gets? Jesus, we'd both be dead.
[But there's a mark there. Now almost charcoal and darkening all the time. Apparently arguing just reinforces the bond, if anyone was still wondering whether or not this was a classic tsundere romance.]
I'm not - [His fingers flex straight, then slowly curl into fists.] I'm not, like, looking for what comes next or anything. That's disgusting. I didn't even know until about five seconds ago, remember? You're just - [Ugh, compliments.] - really fucking cool and cute and sometimes I wish I was the one who'd kissed you properly.
[There. Now he really feels thirteen years old, the way people are supposed to be thirteen years old. Excellent.]
[ speak of the devil. there's harry. clearing his throat. loudly. he's leading in the doorway of the room - head resting against the frame. one arm folded across his chest and the other dangling at his side. his own marks are visible because he's not wearing sleeves. one black one. one red one. they stand out so much against his skin. they're surrounded by sea of pink that harry's explained to john prior as him never really understanding what love was before. most keep fading away.
his words come out in a curious tone - casual but the look in his eyes is so clearly upset. because he heard what they're saying. starting from the don't tell harry point until now. how they think he'll be mad. they're keeping secrets from him? and john's saying he wanted to kiss her...
[Her head turns so fast it's a wonder she doesn't throw a muscle. Her mouth's gaping, both from what John just said to the realization that they're not alone after all. They were never really alone, not with the idea of what Harry could think hanging over their heads, but - well. They don't have to worry about what he would think anymore. He's right there and she has no doubt he heard them. She hopes to god he didn't, but there's no pretending.]
Harry - [She looks between them then, takes a step back and avoids his eyes. It's not what you think - that's what people say when it's exactly what they think. She instinctively hides her wrist again.]
[John makes no motion to hide, because he knows any perceived secret at this point will make things a million times worse. Already bad enough that Harry probably overheard them saying they didn't want to tell him.
Jesus. Can anything salvage this? Are they really crashing and burning while he's still alive? Is John this shitty at loving someone properly?]
Kitty, no. [He keeps his gaze as level on Harry as he can, even with his lips starting to tremble just a bit.] We never should've planned not to tell him. It's not like we can hide now.
[ the air is thick. his eyes are looking to their wrists, trying to spot it. he knows it's there. it's there. something that's going to break his heart. he takes a deep breath, thinking he can't breathe. he keeps looking between the two of them. ]
Tell him what, John? [an echo of what Harry said. She can already feel it dripping from him, that hatred she was dreading. Not from him. Please, not from him.] Nothing happened. They're just these stupid marks.
[And she looks at Harry, brows knitted. She pulls down her sleeve. Two red marks, one dark gray.]
I have a crush on you, okay? And - apparently I have a crush on your boyfriend too, because I'm just that much of an idiot. [She's a little out of breath herself. Her heart's beating out of her chest.] I mean - it doesn't mean anything! Nothing happened, and nothing's ever going to happen, so - so we can all just go and pretend I never said anything.
She's telling the truth. [His voice is quiet and even, eyes still right on Harry. Not even willing to create the false appearance of guilt by looking away, though his racing heart is begging him to.] Nothing happened, nothing will.
Nothing happened? [ he's looking at kitty, narrowing his eyes - looking with such intensity. his eyes only go off hers to look at her exposed marks then back to her eyes. crush on him. crush on john -- no but john likes her back. it's reciprocated.
john's saying nothing happened to. his eyes go back to him - then to kitty again. keeps trying to spot a sign that they're lying. kitty looks guilty just for feeling anything. he drops his shoulders and looks down finally, nodding for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek. trying to think how to approach this. they aren't lying, he thinks.
though he can't trust them completely, can he? their first instinct was not to tell him. why why? cowards. he's looking down and tracing a finger over his own marks, the black one in particular and a pink one close to it. ]
Would you two- ...if I wasn't here... [ there's a pause. an inhale of breath ] If you found out later. After. Would you do anything?
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Her focus softens a little when he shows her his, though. She wasn't expecting that, so she glances over and watches the scarring one. That's an awful reminder to have.]
Has he seen it?
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[A tiny twist of pain in his voice, but he shakes it off, fingering the pink spot again. Like he hasn't made up his mind, or more likely, hasn't figured it out. Both Bobby's and Harry's exploded to life without warning, Harry's much later than the feelings but only because they were buried to the point that he truly didn't realize them. This awareness must be at least slightly clearer.]
Is it your parents? [He's never heard of parental marks, but -] I don't get this one. All I can figure is that it's Tony, but I'm not in love with him, so -
[But then hers wouldn't be red if they were her parents either, would they?]
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She's surprised to hear him talk about his third mark, though. He's so secretive about his feelings - with the exception of Harry - that she just assumed it'd be someone from his past that was once again none of her business. But like he said: getting to know each other.
(She'll never admit that it's making her heart flutter a little.)]
No. That's - that's not how it works. Believe me.
[A contradictory little huff, smile sad. She's had plenty of time to think about it, to figure it out.]
It's stupid.
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You're in love with Harry.
[Surprisingly, his answer is a smile. Harry isn't unlike Bobby in some ways, as much as he insisted they were nothing alike - he's got that same ability to make anyone who comes near him feel special. Like everything he offers is just for them. John was just lucky enough to be right this one time.]
It's cool. I think everyone who meets him is, on some level.
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I don't - [Features shift again, uncomfortably, unpleasantly. Her brows are knitting and frowning.] It's not like that. It's not like I -
[- could ever think he'd love her back.
There's a sound, something like a groan, but just sadder than that. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Her face goes right into her hands, elbows on her knees. Augh, how will she ever tell him?]
It's not just Harry.
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[Real talk, but said with surprising gentleness. He was there, even if he's found better now. He knows it's no laughing matter.]
Well, no, obviously. [Who would embarrass her so much.] What, Tony? That's cool, too. Rich, powerful older man, people tell me he's cool and good-looking, it'd make sense.
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Oh my God, John - [she wants to smack him all over again. How does he always manage to draw that out of her? Tony, of all people? He's more like everyone's cool dad, not cool older boyfriend.
Never mind that. She smacks a fist on his shoulder and retracts the hand to cover herself.]
It's you, okay?
[This is it. Ready for shots to be fired so she can just be humiliated like she's never been before.]
I swear, if you say anything -
[Anything like 'sorry, I don't feel the same way' or whatever. She knows. She knows.]
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An old warning for him. If you say anything - because his nasty tongue is always ready to make someone feel as stupid as possible where there's weakness. But he's just stunned, wondering how he missed it again, and...
... and the mark on his own wrist just turned grey. The shift is slow enough that it catches his peripheral vision, and he turns his arm over more fully, just gaping in total disbelief.
That's why he couldn't figure out what he felt when they were all piled together and Harry and Kitty kept turning their attention to one another. Because he was jealous of both of them. Jesus fucking christ, this is getting beyond complicated.]
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(She doesn't see it turning gray in her arm; it's still covered.)]
Let's just never talk about this again, okay?
[Not one of her mild requests - she's actually demanding it.]
And don't tell Harry. Ever. I mean it.
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[He touches the spot again. It's slowly darkening. Maybe he can't call this love yet, that's rather a gargantuan step for him compared to others, but the reciprocation is strong. Whatever name he wants to give the feeling.]
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Her sleeve falls down when she lifts her arm. One of the marks are gray, and it's such a novel sight that she thinks something's wrong rather than thinking about what it really means.
The look she gives John this time is way beyond disbelief; it's pure denial.]
Why?
[What could he possibly be seeing in her?]
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Right back at you. Why me? You like hitting me and trying to burn me. That's the extent of what I've seen from you.
[Oh, if only he'd watched anime, things would be so much more obvious.]
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That's because you - you're always just making fun of me!
[and boys make fun of girls they don't like.]
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[But his arm his telling him otherwise, clearly.]
- but I like it. I know you're tough, even if no one else does.
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[If she was about ready to just go hide a second ago, now she very much wants to stay, even if just to figure out how the hell John's head works right now.]
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[He's visibly embarrassed. There's a new one for Kitty, but he's realizing all of this even as he says it, so it's causing enough of a flush in his face that it's actually visible.]
You're just at the constant shit stage.
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[Useless gestures and no words. They're always doing it lovingly. It's almost disgusting to watch with how sappy they get.
She just palms her face, slides both hands down. Let her look at her wrist again.]
There's just - there's no way you like me. You've got Harry.
[Oh god -]
You can't tell him. Do you hear me? He's going to hate me so much -
[No, he'll laugh, but then he'll hate her. Because he's dying and because she's going to be around after he's gone and she's so sure he's going to think she'll take advantage of that to take John.]
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[But there's a mark there. Now almost charcoal and darkening all the time. Apparently arguing just reinforces the bond, if anyone was still wondering whether or not this was a classic tsundere romance.]
I'm not - [His fingers flex straight, then slowly curl into fists.] I'm not, like, looking for what comes next or anything. That's disgusting. I didn't even know until about five seconds ago, remember? You're just - [Ugh, compliments.] - really fucking cool and cute and sometimes I wish I was the one who'd kissed you properly.
[There. Now he really feels thirteen years old, the way people are supposed to be thirteen years old. Excellent.]
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[ speak of the devil. there's harry. clearing his throat. loudly. he's leading in the doorway of the room - head resting against the frame. one arm folded across his chest and the other dangling at his side. his own marks are visible because he's not wearing sleeves. one black one. one red one. they stand out so much against his skin. they're surrounded by sea of pink that harry's explained to john prior as him never really understanding what love was before. most keep fading away.
his words come out in a curious tone - casual but the look in his eyes is so clearly upset. because he heard what they're saying. starting from the don't tell harry point until now. how they think he'll be mad. they're keeping secrets from him? and john's saying he wanted to kiss her...
oh ]
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Harry - [She looks between them then, takes a step back and avoids his eyes. It's not what you think - that's what people say when it's exactly what they think. She instinctively hides her wrist again.]
- I should go.
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Jesus. Can anything salvage this? Are they really crashing and burning while he's still alive? Is John this shitty at loving someone properly?]
Kitty, no. [He keeps his gaze as level on Harry as he can, even with his lips starting to tremble just a bit.] We never should've planned not to tell him. It's not like we can hide now.
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Tell me what?
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[And she looks at Harry, brows knitted. She pulls down her sleeve. Two red marks, one dark gray.]
I have a crush on you, okay? And - apparently I have a crush on your boyfriend too, because I'm just that much of an idiot. [She's a little out of breath herself. Her heart's beating out of her chest.] I mean - it doesn't mean anything! Nothing happened, and nothing's ever going to happen, so - so we can all just go and pretend I never said anything.
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john's saying nothing happened to. his eyes go back to him - then to kitty again. keeps trying to spot a sign that they're lying. kitty looks guilty just for feeling anything. he drops his shoulders and looks down finally, nodding for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek. trying to think how to approach this. they aren't lying, he thinks.
though he can't trust them completely, can he? their first instinct was not to tell him. why why? cowards. he's looking down and tracing a finger over his own marks, the black one in particular and a pink one close to it. ]
Would you two- ...if I wasn't here... [ there's a pause. an inhale of breath ] If you found out later. After. Would you do anything?
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