aubergines | ( #002 ) FAKE MARRIED AU

I'm thinkin' more about the civilians screaming bloody murder and mobbing me.

[ Again, joking, but he does look, like, super gross. Husks are the worst, he decides, as he steps out of the elevator. ]

We should get the place evacuated. Nuke the entire thing from orbit.

We could. [ She follows him out of the elevator, but turns around with her omni-tool out again, jamming it into the nearby console so the elevator ceases to be functional.

Now usually she would avoid becoming too embroiled in an incident like nuking a settlement, but this? This is screwed up, and it's Cerberus, so she wouldn't feel bad if it came down to that. She did take part in a whole suicide mission that amounted to Shepard giving the Illusive man a big fat middle finger as she blew up the Collector Base, after all, so she's got no problems blowing Cerberus things up. ]

Let's get these people out of here.

How the hell are we gonna stage a mass evacuation without it being suspi--

[ He interrupts himself with a thoughtful, "Hm."

There are a few things that Peter Quill missed out on, being kidnapped and taken from Earth as a child. School dances, for one. Midterms and finals and finishing term papers five minutes before they're due, for another. The Disney Renaissance. MP3 players. Touch screen phones.

But one of the things he really missed out on was high school pranks. (He doesn't know it, but his class' senior prank had been pretty tame -- filling the hallways with hay and calling it good.) And, you know? One of the things he's always wanted to do was set off the fire alarm.

It's probably why he's grinning and locating the closest fire alarm trigger. ]

Ready?

[ What Kasumi had in mind was definitely more elaborate, and probably needlessly complicated for a situation like this where they have to get people out and do it now. Surely, hacking into the intercom system and coming up with some other reason that refugees (or rich cowards, whichever) had to evacuate might have taken a little more time and finesse is the least of their worries right now.

So while at first she looks uncertain, she's quickly and wholeheartedly nodding her head at him. ]

Go for it.

[ Somehow, his grin widens as he yanks at the alarm. And just like moments ago, sirens go off, and the lights along the hallways start flashing an angry red. Over the intercoms, a recorded message in a calm, accented woman’s voice advises people not to panic, and to make their way to the closest exit.

Peter tries to hide his disappointment. He was kind of hoping the sprinklers would go off, too, but that’s neither here nor there. He grabs Kasumi by the hand and starts leading them away – though he doesn’t really have a destination in mind. ]

What’s the plan?

[ She tilts her head at him, since his question has an obvious answer. ]

Get the hell out of here and plow through whatever else gets in our way?

[ Sass aside, luckily he grabbed the hand she doesn't need to use her omni-tool, so she uses that the pull up the schematics again. ]

Not sure if there's a more covert way out, unless you're still up for crawling through vents. Otherwise, we basically come out the way we came in. Or blow a hole in the wall--whichever, really.

[ The idea of going through the vents makes his skin crawl -- not that he'd ever admit it aloud. ]

I'm up for whatever's easiest, honestly. I'm easy like Sunday mornin'.

If I had a credit for every time you've said that, like, ever, I'd quit my job and retire to a remote island.

Anyway, whatever's easiest? Definitely blowing a hole through the wall. Vents are more subtle and all, but I think we sort of threw subtlety out the metaphorical window when we pulled the fire alarm-- [ When they come up to an intersection of hallways, she takes another quick glance at her omni-tool. ] --make a left here.

[ He rolls his eyes at the credit comment (his defense for using the line so frequently is typically, “What? It’s a good song!”), and makes the turn as directed. ]

Are we seriously gonna blow up a wall? I mean, like, okay, all for the path of least resistance, but you’re soundin’ a lot like Rocket, here.

[ Nevermind the guy had loaded Peter up on explosives. “Never know, Quill,” and a shrug had been his response. Peter didn’t think he’d actually need that stuff. ]

[ She gives him a mischievous smile. ]

I mean, we've already been compromised, and I do enjoy a little pyrotechnics every now and then.

[ Fond, fond memories of blowing Hock's helicopter up into fiery little bits come to mind. ]

[ His sigh is way over the top. ]

Why do I hangout almost exclusively with crazy people?

Easy - because there's never a dull moment with people like us.

[ She slows down in her tracks then, pulling her hand away from Peter's grip and examining a nearby wall. ]

What do you say we take out a couple more brainwashed Cerberus lackeys on our way out? Other side of this wall bets us to the base of one of those watchtowers by the entrance.

[ Alright, he was playing the long-suffering straight man before, but her question makes him smirk. His fingers touch the trigger behind his ear, and his mask flares to life. ]

See? Now that’s the proper way to show a guy a good time.

[ He digs into his pockets, pulling out a handful of explosives the size of ping-pong balls. He frowns when he recognizes a bit of flaking paint on one of them -- he's, like, 80% sure Rocket dismantled something from the kitchen to make these. Peter shakes his head as he kneels in front of the wall Goto pointed out and thinks, What a god damn asshole. ]

These bombs used to be a food processor. [ He says it as he presses a couple to the wall. ] Thought that'd be a fun and terrifying tidbit of info for the both of us.

[ She steps back and lets him do his work. The mention of a food processor makes her tilt her head, though, before an incredulous expression takes over. ]

I'm surprised you guys even had a food processor. Though I suppose it makes sense, given the fact that anytime anyone tries to chop food with actual knives and a cutting board on your ship would probably just end up stabbing someone else.

[ Peter gives her a pointed look, though it's masked behind his helmet. He feels strangely compelled to defend his teammates' abilities. (If he cared to admit it, it's because he's proud of them and this little ragtag team they've put together, but that sounds stupid. If asked, he'd say it was because they would kick his ass if he didn't say something in their favor.) ]

Please, they've got more skill than that. They wouldn't stab anyone they didn't mean to. I've seen Drax cut a tied-up hostage loose without even glancing at her. And I've seen Gamora throw a knife across a crowded room and nail a guy in the eye. It was awesome.

[ Clearly his lifestyle has given him a strange definition of "awesome." He reaches up to place a few more of the explosives closer to the ceiling. ]

'Sides, Drax cooks. I mean, not often? But he's pretty good. We got the food processor for him hopin' he'd cook some more, but he said he prefered the old-fashioned way. 'Least we know kitchen appliances can blow shit up, now. Thanks, Rocket.

[ For good measure, he places two bombs in the center of the wall, then steps back. ] Think we're good. You ready?

[ Well thanks to that, she's totally going to invite herself over for a gourmet meal courtesy of Drax someday. So enjoy.

She responds to his question with a nod and takes another step back just for good measure. ]

Hit it, Star-Lord.

[ He follows her lead, taking another step back (just in case, seeing as how Rocket's a pyromaniac) and hits the trigger that was also helpfully supplied.

The explosion is near deafening, but less flashy than Peter would've expected. One second there was a wall, the next there's rubble and dust and smoke and the faint smell of burnt plastic.

Peter grabs hold of his blasters just as a startled guard steps through the smoke to find out what the fuck just happened. The man's greeted with a blast of electricity to the chest, and he falls twitching to the ground. After that, Peter sweeps an arm out, half-bowing to Kasumi. ]

Ladies first.

[ She half-bows in response, stepping over the still-twitching body and looking back over her shoulder at Peter. ]

Charmed.

[ And with a quick flash, she's disappearing into invisibility yet again. Don't worry, she won't be straying far form Peter, just reappearing next to and striking against another approaching guard before sending an overload of shock through his body. ]

[ Even if Kasumi were looking at him, the roll of his eyes would still be hidden behind his mask. ]

Show-off.

[ He steps out soon after, though, and there's a shout of surprise somewhere to his right. Another Cerberus soldier cries at them to stop where they are, blah blah blah. Peter is obliged to fire his blaster at him-- second verse, same as the first, and he convulses on the floor.

Peter can hear voices drifting down from the watchtower, and he has just enough time to grab Kasumi by the elbow, launching them both forward just as a hail of bullets rain down on them from above. He pulls them against the base of the tower, using the platform above them as cover from the snipers. ]

Any ideas on taking out the dickwads up there?

Elementary, my dear Quill.

[ She looks back out onto where they came out from inside, and waves her hand over in that direction. With the flash of a program on the back of her hand her decoy reappears, every bit as sassy and agile as the real Kasumi as it moves across the space in front of them, making like it's dodging bullets and generally being an awesome distraction. She will never not be grateful for this piece of programming genius. ]

And now we pay the guys upstairs a little visit.

-- I've gotta admit. That is a damn neat trick.

[ And even if the look on his face doesn't show it, his voice at least sounds suitably impressed.

He casts around for a second before he locates the set of stairs winding up to the watchtower's main platform and starts heading up, taking two steps at a time.. As good as Kasumi's decoy is, he figures they don't have too much time before A) it runs out and/or B), the guards wise up to the deception and start looking for them in earnest. ]

Thanks. It's one of my favorites.

[ Sure enough, the decoy starts to fizzle out as Kasumi follows Peter in heading up the watch tower, and there's an audible ruckus from upstairs as they approach when it fades out completely (mostly frustrated yelling along the lines of "It was a goddamn decoy!" and "Find that bitch!" which is one of Kasumi's favorites, because they almost never do). She's following closely behind Peter, her pistol unholstered and in her hands, ready to dole out some mad hurt on these guys. ]

Here they come.

[ WOW those Cerberus lackeys do not get to talk about his friend/crush/fake wife/what the fuck are they even right now??/partner that way.

So when the guards appear at the landing above them, Peter takes two running steps forward then jumps as he triggers the jets on his boots. He extends his arms, clothes-lining the both of them while they're still surprised by his and Kasumi's presence. They sprawl out on the ground as he's getting his feet back under him, and he skids to a stop at the top of the stairs. Twisting back around to face the fallen guards, he blasts them both with bolts of electricity from his gun, just for good measure, and they twitch and scream and go still.

There's not much time to gloat, though -- there are still several more guards in the watchtower, after all, and they'll need to be taken care of. ]

[ Yeah wow what a bunch of a-holes, but thanks for taking care of that buddy/cutie/fake husband/yeah who knows??/partner. She moves quickly over and past the newly-toasted guards that Peter had so kindly taken care of, joining him at the top of the stairs. ]

Nicely done, sir--[ It's almost immediately after that, however, that she hears the oddly piercing sound of a laser sight and she sure enough notices it tracking onto Peter. ]

Sniper! [ She doesn't have time to think before she acts on instinct by trying to grab him by the arm and pull him out of the way. ]

Wha-- [ He doesn't even get a chance to finish the word before she's yanking him out of the way -- and lucky that she did, since that shot most definitely was meant to go for his heart. Unfortunately for the two of them, Peter isn't the most graceful person -- which means that he loses his balance and topples forward, practically on top of her.

(CONCUSSION PREQUEL? He sure hopes not, in a meta-sense.)

He doesn't have time to check if she's alright, though, because he hears that same high-pitched noise charging up. Rolling off, he brings his blaster to bear on the sniper, and a lance of fire from his gun shoots through the air and strikes the man in the face.

Prick.

Peter gets to his feet quickly and offers a hand to Kasumi. ]

Shit, sorry. You okay?

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