( #002 ) FAKE MARRIED AU

[chatona]

the 'fake married' meme

be it for a job, in order to get your inheritance or to fool your nosy neighbours, you are pretending to be married. now the question is, do you want it to be real or can you hardly wait for it to be over?

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Loki (Agent of Asgard) | Marvel 616

[selfimage]

OOC note | feel free to blame it on him.

I regret nothing. You can imagine this face from her forever.

[tasteforpoison]

[It's just for a few days, Valek said. A week tops, he said. Here's a week's worth of your antidote, Yelena, just find out whatever you can. You can handle this, he said.

Handle this?

Yelena stares across the table at Loki with the most dubious expression. On loan from the Commander of Ixia, she sits across the table from Loki with a plain band on her finger wondering if everything would be much simpler if she just skipped her daily antidote and succumbed to the agonizing pain that Butterfly's Dust promised instead. Or maybe she'll take the antidote and poison Valek's food later? She's certain he'd notice in time and take it as the note of her displeasure it would be intended as.]

I'm not calling you smoochy-kins.

[For someone who is supposed to be pretending to be a young newly-wed, she's not being terribly convincing with that look in her eye or the way she's gripping her fork a little too tightly.]

[selfimage]

It's [ insert very distinct Nordic word here. ] and it's cute.

[ he says, as if he actually believes it. he's very good at that.

at least he's handsome, and somewhat charming. what comes with that package seems to be his sort of nefarious aura that he projects. he never does look like anyone can trust him. he's casual, confident, and completely collected, ready to make up for any of her social faux pas. ]

[tasteforpoison]

It's dumb and over the top.

[He may be handsome and charming in his own way but Yelena's too used to people hiding their truer and darker natures behind that sort of personality which makes this whole set-up all the more frustrating to deal with.]

Besides you don't look like a smoochy-kins so no one would believe it even if I did.

[Please for the love of whatever powers that exist, don't ask her what he does look like.]

[selfimage]

[ everyone had truer and darker natures, and Loki would be the first to vouch for that. but he knew that he wasn't the only one, everyone had their darker sides. ]

You know my suggestions box is always open if you'd like to make use of it.

[tasteforpoison]

Alright, then I'm putting a vote in now for no nicknames whatsoever.

[Her hand sneaks up behind her and she tugs at the long braid at the back of her neck and pulls it around to rest over her shoulder.

It's going to be difficult for them to be convincing, mainly because Yelena doesn't really want anything to do with this assignment and she doesn't exactly have a choice. After a moment she relaxes her grip on her fork, just a touch, and begins poking at her food and checking for any of the more obvious signs of poison or tampering. Her examination is...thorough, really.]

What is this anyway?

[They don't really have American food in Ixia.]

some sort of mom au??

[altercate]

This wasn't anywhere in my job description.

[ derek reminds loki. again. he's been reminding him on and off for the past hour. ]

And you're wearing the veil.

[ though can either of them really be painted as virgins? between the two of them, there's no way either of them are qualified to wear white, so derek's objecting to it preemptively. ]

[selfimage]

[ every time Derek reminds him, Loki manages to come up with some more imaginative excuse as to why they're doing this. from "saving Mainframe" to "defeating the evil Rita Repulsa," he manages to deliver each one with facetious accuracy. ]

Why does someone have to wear a veil? I thought we could do some little get-together in New Zealand.

[ is he serious? probably not. maybe. ]

Re: Loki (Agent of Asgard) | Marvel 616

[jarnbjorn]

If father hears of this-

[Suffice to say, Thor currently would like to kill all witnesses and head back to Asgard. But no. Pretend married. Thanks, Loki.]

[selfimage]

He won't.

[ that's a flat answer that cuts off that statement. ]

Because you wouldn't dare tell him. Some secrets are best kept between us, Thor, especially when it's the better option. Though I know how much you want to put an axe in someone's face, father will be more displeased to know all the wars that would domino from your actions.

[ got you by the balls. ]

[jarnbjorn]

[Somehow, Thor does not punch Loki in the face. Miracles do happen.]

Then none shall hear of it. Ever.

[He crosses his arms and scowls into the distance, not at all looking the picture of happiness a newly-wed should.]

Then let us do what must be done, the faster to end this farce.

[selfimage]

[ he tries not to roll his eyes, but it takes everything in him not to make a slightly cutting yet endearing comment. instead he vouches for the more feelsy route. to be fair, this was a Thor that he hadn't seen in ages, that only (until recently) resided in his memory, and even that couldn't be trusted lately.

instead of the bristle trickster that Thor knows as a brother, Loki sounds a bit more sincere. ]

What bothers you so, brother? Though I know how much you loathe tricks and games ... you'll not have the blood on your hands to match.

[jarnbjorn]

[Honestly, Thor is not certain what has him so antsy about this. Odin is always going on at him about using his head instead of his hammer to solve problems.


He shrugs his shoulders.] We ...are brothers.

[selfimage]

[ he was just a moment to see if another statement will come after that. instead, he just hears crickets chirping. ]

... and now we're married. Congratulations on our nuptials! You take things too seriously. You know with any good reception comes lively expressive balloons and a few heavy kegs.

[jarnbjorn]

[It is surprising what the promise of alcohol does to Thor's mood.

Or perhaps it isn't. Either way, he huffs to show that he is still not pleased with this plan, and that killing everyone might not be so bad.]

No doubt we'll share the first cup, to ensure all our children are healthy, male, and bring us glory. [A poor attempt at sarcasm, but he is trying.]

[selfimage]

[ years of dealing with this Thor, and then years of dealing with the man he will be, makes his attitude and his barbs sting all the less. Loki keeps his enthusiasm admirably. ]

I'll save you from the misogyny later. [ he replies coolly. ] Why don't you just enjoy yourself? Who cares what dad thinks? Ol' one eye has his own problems to deal with, and we're here to make less of them.

[jarnbjorn]

Shut up, Loki.

[Stunning repartee from the elder brother.]

Where is this reception? I feel a week's feasting will be the least I need to endure this. [Because the reception is going to be at least a week long. Right.]

[selfimage]

[ why wouldn't the reception be a week long? we are vikings, obviously. ]

In the realm of drunken Debaucheryheim.

[ he says all too seriously. ]

[jarnbjorn]

[...

Hey!]

Watch your tongue, wife. If this must be endured, I will not have your mockery ruining my drinking.

[selfimage]

[ Loki really really tries to keep a straight face with that, but there's a little he— that escapes his lips that threatens to turn into a full-fledged laugh. ]

Is that meant to be an insult? When you start drinking I hardly think that anything I scheme will bring it to ruin.

[jarnbjorn]

[Thor misses his own Loki who was less talky than you are. Norns help him get through this without murder.]

Odin's wrath or no, slaughter seems more and more like an appealing escape.

[selfimage]

Always with the threats of violence.

[ a little more sassy than you're used to, huh bro? ]

I suppose this is only a task that I can undertake, after all.

[jarnbjorn]

[So much sass. What is a Thor to do?]

And why should you be the one to get all the glory?

idk continuity

[hackitude]

[Infiltrating an exclusive invite-only party for high-ranking members of government and their friends? Easy. Skye has hacked her way on to the guest list in minutes.

Pretending to be someone who belongs at such a party on her own? More difficult. It's not the sort of party to which journalists or low-ranking admin girls are invited. Nope. For this, she'll need to pretend to be slightly older than she is. And married. And she's pretty sure Loki's the only person she knows who would both agree to this and be able to pull it off. Both things are important.

So when the driver comes around to open her side of the car door in the fancy car she rented for the night, it's in a flowing white and gold dress that is definitely outside of her pay range. It's not her usual style, but it's appropriate for the sort of people at this party and it's easy to move around in. Her hair is in a fancy updo for once, and one hand clasps a designer clutch she hopes the security guards won't ask to look through. She extends a hand to Loki, smiling through her nerves.

The exterior of this immensely lavish house that stands before them isn't helping her any. But first things first: they have to pass security.]

Whoo. This was a bad idea. This was an absolutely terrible idea. Okay, I'm ready. Are you ready? Let's do this.

[selfimage]

[ for her, it was second nature. despite Skye's anxiousness, Loki is completely and utterly confident. her hand slips easily into hers, and she draws out behind her, wearing something akin to a black, flowy pants suit and a pair of heels that would bring any runway model to tears. she's tied up her hair, but there is some that falls in waves around her shoulders. ]

I was born ready.

[ she says easily. this is Loki's game, of course. what Skye had in nervousness, Loki could make up in charm, she was sure of it. she links their arms (still a good few inches taller than Skye, especially in those heels). ]

And so were you. Just think about how fun it'll be if we mess up.

[ don't think about the sweet chaos of that aftermath, Loki. ]